actually written about six months ago

ima be real for a second because in all honesty i have 17 followers........so who the hell really cares who reads this.....

hello disappointment... i knew you were lurking around....

I am a girl who is very well read.... who has studied ancient philosophies and knows them almost as well as her own body.... but seeing as all that knowledge rarely comes up in conversation with the masses i will talk about the same bull shit everyone (every girl ) talks about...MEN!!!!

Here is the point in the blog where the sober part of my being chimes in and says "hey court, tomorrow when you are at the dentist you are going to die of embarrassment when you remember you posted this......" well to that sober part of me i say Fuck off!!!!I want to know when it became okay or rather sociably acceptable for men (and i use the term lightly) to behave this way..... and when did this generation of men "decide" (and i use that term loosely as well) that women despite their chosen ignorance are dumb to the situation at hand.... We know we always know what and why.... we may lie to ourselves and invent oscar worthy excuses but at the end of the day.....we always know..... (we even know the things we couldn't possibly know)
so tonight i sat across from the most beautiful bombshell perfect in every physical way possible bartender and listened to her shoot it straight to a group of women going through shit.... and ten tequila shots later i decided..... "well fuck" this perfect girl is right..... i couldn't possibly in a lifetime spend enough time time writing about how often i mask my intelligence..... or everyday thoughts for that matter....there is not enough room in the/ my world to decipher the bullshit that's come out of my mouth vs. what i actually feel and think...... and trust...... i think a lot. i could spend my entire life lost in it if society didn't mandate i bartend from time to time.... but i suppose that is why i call myself a writer because here with you...... on this stupid previously blank page i am myself fully and truly; and i hate that i can't find a way to speak what i think.

I get lost with people .... sometimes i think i listen to the point of forgetting myself.... i understand far more than any person was meant to and so......before i get to deep i stop nowdrunk or nothonest or lyingangry or hurtignorant or enlightened i'm gonna end this blog the same way it began


Drunk and misunderstood..... mostly due to the fact that i fail on a daily basis to be outwardly honest......



p.s. i will regret having posted this tomorrow..... but according to my manager it is good for my career.... so oh well here it is!