bleeding to write!

Do you ever find yourself alone at a bar on a Monday night...pause and take a look at the people around you filling their faces with pitchers of beer, assorted cheap whiskey's, and fake meandering eyes and realize you are most likely the only one in there capable of deep thought. Yeah.

But then i think to myself "well why the fuck are you in here Courtney? are you basking in your own hypocrisy?"

And to that i think the answer is no. I think i've just been too far from the blank page and my insides are raging to be dispelled into some semblance of written word...

I've had a lot go wrong lately, and to match that I've had a lot go right; however my focus has been blurred between the two leaving me me in my all to familiar state of angst. I am so confused over my self worth all the time. It's stupid.... it's backwards... it's infantile.... but it's all the time. Angst, angst , angst... It's that knot in my stomach that repeatedly pokes at me in an annoying tone going "why hasn't he called? what did you do wrong? why are you reading into things? maybe he's just busy.... but if he were really into you he would have made time to call"

WELL FUCK THAT VOICE!

and this leave of absence i mistakenly took from words is over ... i'm home and will continue to force my thoughts on a nearly vacant blog.

again with the yeah! I would snap repeatedly like the sorority girls did in college.... but this is written....and you can't hear me.... and so that would be stupid.... but in theory....yeah

gnight